Backsliding

I suppose it was bound to happen. It started as it often does, with a little extra cash. I got the tax refunds that I wasn’t sure I’d get. One hundred dollars went to pay bills for the business. Eleven hundred went to savings. (for future expenses) Sixty dollars went to some expense that I can’t remember and then I had forty-nine dollars I could blow. Except I spent that 49 dollars twice - once in anticipation of getting the refund and once after it arrived. Tricky, eh?

I started spending the extra twenty or thirty dollars that sometimes ends up in my paycheck. Then I started spending more than the extra in the check. I forgot about the bills I need to save for and convinced myself I had extra money to spend. I took myself out to lunch for a treat and then ate out twice more in the same week.

I was brought back to consciousness about this by a mini panic attack. I’m starting to have a lot of respect for anxiety. I find it’s usually a message from a healthier part of myself, letting me know I’m screwing up. This little anxiety attack reminded me that I have winter heat, car repairs and car insurance bills in my future. I need to save for those bills.

This whole process, from splurge to panic, took place in less than a month. I function much better in a financial crisis, than when I have enough or – God forbid – a surplus. I know that one of my challenges is to learn to handle money sensibly when I have more of it. Meanwhile, what does one do when one has screwed up one’s own plans? Start again, of course.