Good Work

When I started my current career as a nurse’s aide, I was working in a nursing home. I struggled because the work was hard and the workload seemed impossible. So I was surprised when one of my co-workers said, “You really like this job, don’t you?”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“Because you’re always singing. You’re always in a good mood.”

I hadn’t noticed, but he was right. I would sing to the residents. I would sing walking down the hall. I would dance around the cafeteria at meals while exchanging jokes with the residents. I’d found my niche - or one of them.

A few years before that it had occurred to me that I might enjoy this work. I like the simplicity of it. You just help people. A well-meaning advisor discouraged my interest in becoming a nurse’s aide. She was concerned about the low pay and low status. I think she thought I would be taking a step backwards in life. I took her advice because I was concerned about those things too.

At the time I was in a leadership position, testing computer software. I was well paid and had a lot more status than I do now. I hated it. The work was so boring to me that I’d give myself little rewards throughout the day to get through the next 15 minutes, 30 minutes, hour …. I worked with people who were just thrilled to be doing the work we were doing, but I hated it. It took a few more years and a layoff to accept that I couldn’t keep doing work I hated.

The irony is that I got terribly in debt while I had this well paying job. I was constantly spending money in an effort to make myself happy. Also, I automatically spent money to try to solve any problem that came up in my life. Sometimes it would be easier to ask a friend for help, but I automatically paid money for help with anything I needed. Since I had money, I thought I couldn’t ask for help. The misery of the debt helped distract me from the misery of the job. And then I felt trapped by the debt. I felt like I couldn’t leave and make less money.

I don’t ever want to get in that position again. I ended up defaulting on a lot of credit card debt. I’m not proud of that. That is not the kind of person I’ve ever wanted to be. I became that person by not listening to what I really needed.

So now I’m doing work I like and working 4 days per week. That gives me time to pursue other interests – the little quilting business I have, this blog, other writing. Things are falling into place. I don't have credit and I'm not going to try to get any in the foreseeable future. For the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking to make any drastic changes to my life. I like it the way it is. That’s a wonderful feeling.