Thursday, August 25, 2011

For Today

Well, my first two weeks as a half-time entrepreneur were interesting. I did a lot of work, but I can’t tell you what it was like. My mind was taken over by an obsessive anxiety attack. I didn’t sleep. I tried to work every waking minute. I checked my web site obsessively. No sales. If anyone had even thought about buying something from me, I’m sure that my fear and desperation were transmitted through the ether and scared them off. It was horrible.

I’m now in the process of trying to regain my sanity. I’m making self-care a higher priority. The tipping point was when I was trying to imagine what luxury meant to me. The answer was “a clean clutter-free home.” Hmmm. That may be something I could get even if I have no money. And the feeling of luxury might help with the blinding panic. So I’ve been working on that. It helps.

I’m finding other things that help too. I’m looking for advice from other business people. I’m looking to the spiritual advice that always helps me. This time to work on my business is validating for me that I do like to do this work. I’ve had days when I’ve been sure that no one would ever want to buy what I make and I’m a complete fool to think that they might, but I know that I’d enjoy it if I was successful.

I’ve decided to take things one day at a time. For today, I have everything I need. For today, I have plenty of time to work on my business and take care of myself. For today, life is pretty good and I’m going to enjoy it.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Riding the Roller Coaster

I’ve been riding the emotional roller coaster this week. For example, yesterday I had my last shift caring for a client who is moving. I was sad all night. This morning I woke up in a full-blown panic attack over my decision to try to replace the income by expanding my quilting business. This afternoon I’m feeling happy and excited about finally having the time to work on my business. Life is not boring.

I think that the key to maintaining my sanity right now is to keep moving. Not in a frenzy, but deliberately. I’ve learned over the years that inertia is so much more dangerous than making mistakes.

I’m aware of the need to be careful with my time. I’m figuring out how that will work. It doesn’t look like what I would expect. When I’m tired I lay on the couch. Five minutes later I jump up, inspired for the next step in my current project. Paying attention to what I need in any moment is the best use of my time.

I worry when I look at the larger economy, but the universe is conspiring to urge me on this path. This morning I firmed up details for another custom order I got yesterday. Later, my physical therapist told me how she found that eventually one had to make the leap to spend time on a business for it to grow. The most encouraging sign of the day was the feeling I got from working on a sewing project. I’m making something beautiful and unique that the recipient will love. What better use of my time could there be?