Visual Inspiration

Last week I heard a couple of news stories on NPR about winners of memory contests. Apparently there are national and international contests where people compete to see who can display the best memory. Like any competition, the competitors train. In this case, they train to remember strings of numbers, words, playing cards - whatever.

What I found fascinating about this, other than the fact that scores of adults do, in fact, compete in a contest like this, is that they use visual images to remember pieces of information. Images stick with us. A reporter trained, competed and won a championship using visual images. Take a look.

I started quilting a few years ago and started to make a business of it about a year and a half ago. I’m starting to immerse myself in visual images. I’ve been a writer for most of my life, so learning to express myself in visual images is a whole new skill.

I read in the blog, Do What You Love, about a woman who wrote a book to teach artists to make right brain business plans. (See the interview here.) I was intrigued. I’m also trying to be frugal, so rather than rushing to my credit card to buy a copy of her book, I tried to imagine how it could help me. In the interview, this author talks about “guiding readers through a visual and creative process to identify their vision.” I took a stab at visually expressing my vision for my business. Here’s what I came up with:

This is basically a diagram of how I want my business sales to progress. The first circle, containing two little smiley faces, represents the current state of my business - an average of two sales per month. The circles progress to the last circle with 50 smiling faces representing 50 sales per month (to 50 happy customers.) Even 50 sales per month would probably not entirely support me, but it’s as much as I could imagine at the moment.

So what use is this chicken scratch, you might ask? This little diagram immediately brought home to me, in a very visceral way, that I was not prepared for 50 happy customers per month. My first thought on finishing the drawing was, “I’ve got to get organized.” I got a clear mental picture of the well stocked, organized studio I needed to create to pull this off. Every time I look at this drawing, it’s a reminder that I need to ramp up to get where I want to be in terms of sales. And it helps me to imagine doing that. I would never have predicted this result from trying to draw a business plan.

This brings me to the book, Your Money or Your Life - my money bible. For those who haven’t heard of it, Your Money or Your Life is a 9 step program to make peace with money in your life. The result of following the program can be to arrive at a place where you no longer have to work for money because you’ve pared down your expenses and amassed sufficient savings to live off the interest.

One of the things you do in this program is to chart how much money you spend every month. When you begin to build savings, you chart your monthly interest income. As your spending first decreases, then levels off, and your interest income gradually increases, you arrive at a place where the two figures meet. This place is called enough.

I’d like to be able to show you this, but I haven’t done this charting for more than a couple of months at a time. I did chart my debts when I was trying to pay them off. I put the chart on my refrigerator and watched the line go down as I got closer and closer to being debt free. It helped keep me motivated. Unfortunately, as soon as my debts were paid, I put the charts away and got in financial trouble again.

I see some new charts in my future.

Cabin Fever

The sky is grey. The snow is grey. Where the snow and ice have receded, there is a foot of mud. It’s March in New England. I was talking to a friend the other day and we realized we were both suffering from that seasonal depression called cabin fever. Even the sweet, iconic sight of sap buckets hanging from the sugar maples, doesn’t cheer me when I’m bouncing along the rutted roads, praying that nothing breaks on my car.

I have discovered one silver lining in this overcast sky. This is a good time to do paperwork. I actually enjoyed finishing up balancing my checkbook the other day. This morning it dawned on me that this would be the perfect time to finally get my taxes done.

So, yes, I did get my checkbook balanced for the past year. I was terrified at first, just because it always terrifies me to face my financial condition. I discovered a few of the mistakes I made recording or not recording purchases throughout the year. Discovered the check I wrote to buy Christmas presents, that still hasn’t been cashed. And I discovered I had $80 more than I thought. Sweet. It usually goes in the other direction. I was reminded that even though I’m pretty vigilant about writing down the purchases I make with my checking account, I inevitably miss one here and there. That’s why I need to balance my checkbook on a regular basis, I remind myself.

Tax filing is my next challenge. I started a little business online and now I need to fill out a Schedule C, including inventory accounting. I’ve been dreading it, but it’s necessary. It’s one of those challenges I need to overcome to become a real businesswoman. When I look at it that way, I feel better about it. I sound like I’m channeling Tony Robbins. So be it.

Emotional Spending

I’ve been watching my spending habits in relation to my emotions. It’s amazing how tied in they are. In particular, I’ve noticed that my automatic reaction to being angry or tired is to buy food. Bad day at work? Must have pizza. Didn’t get to sleep last night? Five cups of coffee from the corner store will fix it. Especially if I buy a treat to eat at the same time. I could have just filled my refrigerator at home, but if a bad day comes calling, I’m stopping for more groceries on the way home from work.

So this week I’ve made an effort to uncouple the spending reaction from my mood. It feels like turning a truck – it’s difficult and not pretty – but I’ve had some success. What’s truly shocking is how my mood shifts with my choices. When I give in to the urge to drown my consciousness by purchasing food, I get a giddy high, soon followed by a crash back into the same bad mood I was avoiding in the first place. If I manage to deny myself the food spree, I have a few minutes of an internal temper tantrum, quickly followed by relief. I come home and cook that wonderful dinner I’d planned, and I enjoy it. Or I decide not to attend the evening meeting I committed to but am too tired for and instead, I relax.

As I observe these things and change my behavior, it has a familiar feel. I’ve been here before. I have little moments of feeling sane and grounded and I think, “Oh, yes. I like this. Why did I stop?”

Good question. I have no answer. I only know I keep sliding between the urge for sanity and the compulsion to hide.

The Numbers

One thing I’ve learned about my dysfunctional relationship with money is that I avoid being aware of where I stand financially. I enable myself by refusing to look at my reality. I’m like a little kid who thinks she can change what she doesn’t like by pretending things are the way she wants them to be.

The FI program I want to follow (FI standing for variously Financial Independence, Financial Integrity, Financial Intelligence) requires paying attention. It’s a sort of meditation on money and my relationship with it. One of the steps of this program is to record every cent that goes in or out of your life. I was horrified when I first heard this. I’m still horrified, although I grudgingly see that it will be useful. I’ve actually done it for weeks at a time, but not recently. I haven’t even balanced my checkbook in close to a year.

So that is the next task that I’m committing to in the interest of financial recovery. It’s now Sunday, February 27, 2011. I commit to balancing my checkbook with the last years worth of statements and I will do this within a week. Meanwhile, I thought I’d share a few vital statistics in my financial life. Hopefully, we’ll all be able to see how they change for the better.

As of 2/27/11 here are my bank balances:

Savings (balance required for my credit union accounts) - $25.28

Checking account - $880.78

Money Market Account (really just a savings account) – $3,407.72

Paypal account for Etsy business - $7.59

Business checking account - $8.91

I make $11.50 per hour as a Nurse’s Aide and I’m scheduled to work 36 hours per week. Earlier in the winter I had a part-time job on the weekends. I will undoubtedly have to do that again, because I spend more than I make in my regular job. I also have a little business making & selling quilted items. (http://byathread2.etsy.com) Another place where I spend more than I take in.

I think that about does it for vital statistics. Onward!

Late Blooming

I am not a naturally thrifty person. I love spending money the way an alcoholic loves a drink. The idea of financial comfort I developed growing up was to be able to spend money without thinking about it. Through much painful personal experience, I’ve proved to myself that there is no amount of money that can hold up to that definition of financial comfort. I have looked for other approaches to money.

In the 1980’s I discovered an organization called the New Roadmap Foundation. At the time, they sold a course on tape about becoming financially independent. Since then, they’ve published a book , “Your Money or Your Life”, about their views on money. Desperate to escape my spendthrift ways, I sent in my $60 and got the course on tape. It was a revelation. They talked about looking at how much time and “life energy” you traded for money and seeing if you spent that money in ways that brought satisfaction to you. The course describes 9 steps to take to become financially independent and I could see how it could work. For me. I just had to apply the principles I learned in the course.

There was the rub. I’m a big dreamer and I can envision a lot of very practical dreams, but I’m not good at following through on them. I have made progress on this dream of becoming financially independent. I’ll never forget the terror I felt that first time I cut up my credit cards. I burned candles and had a little ceremony to give myself strength. Now I have no credit cards and life is better without them.

I’m not, however, satisfied with my financial progress. At the ripe old age of 53, I’ve stopped looking at life as a wide open vista and started seeing it in terms of “the time I have left.” One of my dearest dreams is to finally get to the point where my relationship with money is sane and comfortable. To that end, I’ve decided to start this blog – to share my money adventures and to keep myself accountable. I invite you to join me on this journey. Perhaps you will find something of interest for your financial journey.