I don’t always like being a grownup. I’ve been downright cranky about it lately. I’ve been facing a lot of little unpleasant realities. For example, I’ve recently learned that if I want to save money by cooking at home, I have to do the dishes more than once a day. Yuck. If I want to feel healthier physically, I need to lose weight. If I want to lose weight, I need to pay attention to everything I eat and drink. Double yuck. If I want my business to thrive, I need to get organized. If I want to get organized, I need to get rid of the clutter I’ve been accumulating for years. Sigh. Being a grownup can be quite tedious.
Finally, I remembered what the solution is to this crankiness. It’s gratitude. It works every time.
I used to be very suspicious of people who recommended gratitude as the solution to anything. I thought it was a way to ignore problems, rather than deal with them. I thought it was a form of denial. I was wrong.
In recent years, I’ve learned that gratitude actually makes me happy. It’s a necessary counterweight to my normal depression. It allows me to recognize the good things in my life that I usually don’t see. For me, it’s not a smokescreen, it’s a reality check.
I’ve learned from others to make gratitude lists. These are lists of things in my life for which I am grateful. I usually start with the basics. I’m grateful for plentiful clean water. There are a lot of places in the world that don’t have that. I have plenty of good food - another luxury that not everyone enjoys. I have a beautiful place to live in a beautiful state. I have plenty of clothes. I have good friends and family I love.
It goes on from there. When I finish a gratitude list of twenty items, I am reminded once again that I’m very lucky. I have everything I need. In fact, I have way more than I need. I’m rich. It’s good to know that.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thinking About Money
I have always liked sugar way too much. I have a specific memory of myself as a child, dreaming about when I was older and had a job so I could buy myself unlimited quantities of soda and candy. At the time, I thought that money was the only thing standing between me and all the junk food I wanted to consume. As an adult, I’ve learned about all the ways that sugar hurts my health. I’ve spent a lot of time learning about nutrition and how to take care of my body with food and I no longer eat foods with noticeable amounts of sugar in them.
My attitudes about money haven’t evolved as much as my attitudes around food. I’ve only recently given up the idea that financial comfort means I don’t have to think about the money I spend. Now I see that it was always a pretty absurd idea. I’m a researcher at heart. I love to research varying approaches to any problem I encounter in life. I read constantly. I think about everything, yet my idea of financial health was to not need to think about it. I was very wrong.
Now I find that curiosity is the most useful attitude toward money in my life. Curiousity is replacing worry in my relationship to money. As with other aspects of how I live, I want my handling of money to help me care for myself and live my life in a way that expresses my values. Money can do that. I reduce stress in my life by saving a cushion for emergencies. I can provide myself and my animals with a nice place to live. I can take care of my health. I can support my community.
This journey toward a healthy relationship with money, isn’t a short-term project. It’s part of my life. The more I pay attention to money, the better my life gets. I didn’t see that coming.
My attitudes about money haven’t evolved as much as my attitudes around food. I’ve only recently given up the idea that financial comfort means I don’t have to think about the money I spend. Now I see that it was always a pretty absurd idea. I’m a researcher at heart. I love to research varying approaches to any problem I encounter in life. I read constantly. I think about everything, yet my idea of financial health was to not need to think about it. I was very wrong.
Now I find that curiosity is the most useful attitude toward money in my life. Curiousity is replacing worry in my relationship to money. As with other aspects of how I live, I want my handling of money to help me care for myself and live my life in a way that expresses my values. Money can do that. I reduce stress in my life by saving a cushion for emergencies. I can provide myself and my animals with a nice place to live. I can take care of my health. I can support my community.
This journey toward a healthy relationship with money, isn’t a short-term project. It’s part of my life. The more I pay attention to money, the better my life gets. I didn’t see that coming.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Good Work
When I started my current career as a nurse’s aide, I was working in a nursing home. I struggled because the work was hard and the workload seemed impossible. So I was surprised when one of my co-workers said, “You really like this job, don’t you?”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because you’re always singing. You’re always in a good mood.”
I hadn’t noticed, but he was right. I would sing to the residents. I would sing walking down the hall. I would dance around the cafeteria at meals while exchanging jokes with the residents. I’d found my niche - or one of them.
A few years before that it had occurred to me that I might enjoy this work. I like the simplicity of it. You just help people. A well-meaning advisor discouraged my interest in becoming a nurse’s aide. She was concerned about the low pay and low status. I think she thought I would be taking a step backwards in life. I took her advice because I was concerned about those things too.
At the time I was in a leadership position, testing computer software. I was well paid and had a lot more status than I do now. I hated it. The work was so boring to me that I’d give myself little rewards throughout the day to get through the next 15 minutes, 30 minutes, hour …. I worked with people who were just thrilled to be doing the work we were doing, but I hated it. It took a few more years and a layoff to accept that I couldn’t keep doing work I hated.
The irony is that I got terribly in debt while I had this well paying job. I was constantly spending money in an effort to make myself happy. Also, I automatically spent money to try to solve any problem that came up in my life. Sometimes it would be easier to ask a friend for help, but I automatically paid money for help with anything I needed. Since I had money, I thought I couldn’t ask for help. The misery of the debt helped distract me from the misery of the job. And then I felt trapped by the debt. I felt like I couldn’t leave and make less money.
I don’t ever want to get in that position again. I ended up defaulting on a lot of credit card debt. I’m not proud of that. That is not the kind of person I’ve ever wanted to be. I became that person by not listening to what I really needed.
So now I’m doing work I like and working 4 days per week. That gives me time to pursue other interests – the little quilting business I have, this blog, other writing. Things are falling into place. I don't have credit and I'm not going to try to get any in the foreseeable future. For the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking to make any drastic changes to my life. I like it the way it is. That’s a wonderful feeling.
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because you’re always singing. You’re always in a good mood.”
I hadn’t noticed, but he was right. I would sing to the residents. I would sing walking down the hall. I would dance around the cafeteria at meals while exchanging jokes with the residents. I’d found my niche - or one of them.
A few years before that it had occurred to me that I might enjoy this work. I like the simplicity of it. You just help people. A well-meaning advisor discouraged my interest in becoming a nurse’s aide. She was concerned about the low pay and low status. I think she thought I would be taking a step backwards in life. I took her advice because I was concerned about those things too.
At the time I was in a leadership position, testing computer software. I was well paid and had a lot more status than I do now. I hated it. The work was so boring to me that I’d give myself little rewards throughout the day to get through the next 15 minutes, 30 minutes, hour …. I worked with people who were just thrilled to be doing the work we were doing, but I hated it. It took a few more years and a layoff to accept that I couldn’t keep doing work I hated.
The irony is that I got terribly in debt while I had this well paying job. I was constantly spending money in an effort to make myself happy. Also, I automatically spent money to try to solve any problem that came up in my life. Sometimes it would be easier to ask a friend for help, but I automatically paid money for help with anything I needed. Since I had money, I thought I couldn’t ask for help. The misery of the debt helped distract me from the misery of the job. And then I felt trapped by the debt. I felt like I couldn’t leave and make less money.
I don’t ever want to get in that position again. I ended up defaulting on a lot of credit card debt. I’m not proud of that. That is not the kind of person I’ve ever wanted to be. I became that person by not listening to what I really needed.
So now I’m doing work I like and working 4 days per week. That gives me time to pursue other interests – the little quilting business I have, this blog, other writing. Things are falling into place. I don't have credit and I'm not going to try to get any in the foreseeable future. For the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking to make any drastic changes to my life. I like it the way it is. That’s a wonderful feeling.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Backsliding
I suppose it was bound to happen. It started as it often does, with a little extra cash. I got the tax refunds that I wasn’t sure I’d get. One hundred dollars went to pay bills for the business. Eleven hundred went to savings. (for future expenses) Sixty dollars went to some expense that I can’t remember and then I had forty-nine dollars I could blow. Except I spent that 49 dollars twice - once in anticipation of getting the refund and once after it arrived. Tricky, eh?
I started spending the extra twenty or thirty dollars that sometimes ends up in my paycheck. Then I started spending more than the extra in the check. I forgot about the bills I need to save for and convinced myself I had extra money to spend. I took myself out to lunch for a treat and then ate out twice more in the same week.
I was brought back to consciousness about this by a mini panic attack. I’m starting to have a lot of respect for anxiety. I find it’s usually a message from a healthier part of myself, letting me know I’m screwing up. This little anxiety attack reminded me that I have winter heat, car repairs and car insurance bills in my future. I need to save for those bills.
This whole process, from splurge to panic, took place in less than a month. I function much better in a financial crisis, than when I have enough or – God forbid – a surplus. I know that one of my challenges is to learn to handle money sensibly when I have more of it. Meanwhile, what does one do when one has screwed up one’s own plans? Start again, of course.
I started spending the extra twenty or thirty dollars that sometimes ends up in my paycheck. Then I started spending more than the extra in the check. I forgot about the bills I need to save for and convinced myself I had extra money to spend. I took myself out to lunch for a treat and then ate out twice more in the same week.
I was brought back to consciousness about this by a mini panic attack. I’m starting to have a lot of respect for anxiety. I find it’s usually a message from a healthier part of myself, letting me know I’m screwing up. This little anxiety attack reminded me that I have winter heat, car repairs and car insurance bills in my future. I need to save for those bills.
This whole process, from splurge to panic, took place in less than a month. I function much better in a financial crisis, than when I have enough or – God forbid – a surplus. I know that one of my challenges is to learn to handle money sensibly when I have more of it. Meanwhile, what does one do when one has screwed up one’s own plans? Start again, of course.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Health
I’m on a forced hiatus from my business. Well, “forced” isn’t entirely accurate. It’s a choice that the universe is conspiring to strongly suggest I take. Like a loanshark strongly suggesting I pay my debt pronto. I’ve been sick lately – a lot. This is not unusual, but it’s getting annoying.
I generally spend a lot of time obsessing about what I’m going to do with my free time. I want to make money while indulging creative pursuits and that’s what I obsess about. I’m too sick to do much of anything when the free time finally arrives. I suspect that obsessing about my free time is a lot of the reason I end up being sick.
Living within my means is changing this dynamic. There is no impending financial crisis. I want to indulge in my habitual panic about money, but it’s not necessary. Everything is fine. How odd.
Yesterday, I realized that my next task is to get healthy. I need to forget about making money from creatiivity until I can maintain good health on a regular basis. I know all the things I need to do to be healthy. I even do some of them now and then. You know – eat well on Wednesday, exercise Saturday, floss on Monday, meditate next week. It’s not enough.
To get healthy I also have to make it a priority to have fun. You would think this would be easy. You would be wrong. I’m not used to combining the pursuit of pleasure with fiscal responsibility. I either willfully ignore my financial condition to do whatever strikes my fancy or continually postpone enjoyment while pursuing an endless list of financial goals. Moderation is not my forte.
So Thursday I spent a lot of time sitting on the porch with my feet up on the railing. I watched the trees and the birds and my dog and cat. I pulled some weeds in the garden, went out for lunch, then drove up a long country road just to see where it went. It was a beautiful day and I felt good afterwards. I may learn to enjoy good health.
I generally spend a lot of time obsessing about what I’m going to do with my free time. I want to make money while indulging creative pursuits and that’s what I obsess about. I’m too sick to do much of anything when the free time finally arrives. I suspect that obsessing about my free time is a lot of the reason I end up being sick.
Living within my means is changing this dynamic. There is no impending financial crisis. I want to indulge in my habitual panic about money, but it’s not necessary. Everything is fine. How odd.
Yesterday, I realized that my next task is to get healthy. I need to forget about making money from creatiivity until I can maintain good health on a regular basis. I know all the things I need to do to be healthy. I even do some of them now and then. You know – eat well on Wednesday, exercise Saturday, floss on Monday, meditate next week. It’s not enough.
To get healthy I also have to make it a priority to have fun. You would think this would be easy. You would be wrong. I’m not used to combining the pursuit of pleasure with fiscal responsibility. I either willfully ignore my financial condition to do whatever strikes my fancy or continually postpone enjoyment while pursuing an endless list of financial goals. Moderation is not my forte.
So Thursday I spent a lot of time sitting on the porch with my feet up on the railing. I watched the trees and the birds and my dog and cat. I pulled some weeds in the garden, went out for lunch, then drove up a long country road just to see where it went. It was a beautiful day and I felt good afterwards. I may learn to enjoy good health.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Enough Is Enough
For the past year and a half, I’ve been burdened by a freeloader in my life. It’s my own fault. I invited her in. I did nothing, month after month, as she drained my resources. She’s charming and fun, but she never cleans up after herself and she doesn’t pay her bills. Who is this freeloader? I’m sad to admit, she’s my very own quilting business, By A Thread.
I started this business with money I’d inherited from my mother. I was happy to pour this money into any tool or service that might establish and grow my business. I’ve had fun. I’ve made some beautiful things. Complete strangers have spent their hard-earned money on them and been happy about it. Unfortunately, there haven’t been enough sales to come close to covering the investment I’ve made in this business. Sure, one has to invest to build up a business. But By A Thread has become fat and lazy on the artificial cash flow. It’s time for her to get in shape and start paying her own way.
After her last infusion of cash, By A Thread has about $30 in her checking account. Any future purchases for this business will have to come out of this $30 and future sales. She can have my time, but not my money. I had to take a stand. I sure hope she makes it on her own.
I started this business with money I’d inherited from my mother. I was happy to pour this money into any tool or service that might establish and grow my business. I’ve had fun. I’ve made some beautiful things. Complete strangers have spent their hard-earned money on them and been happy about it. Unfortunately, there haven’t been enough sales to come close to covering the investment I’ve made in this business. Sure, one has to invest to build up a business. But By A Thread has become fat and lazy on the artificial cash flow. It’s time for her to get in shape and start paying her own way.
After her last infusion of cash, By A Thread has about $30 in her checking account. Any future purchases for this business will have to come out of this $30 and future sales. She can have my time, but not my money. I had to take a stand. I sure hope she makes it on her own.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Report From The Field
I made the choice to follow through on being frugal. I am now enjoying the gift of time I have purchased for myself. In my regular day job, I work 36 hours over 4 days. Assuming I can learn to live on that, I have the luxury of 3 days per week completely to myself. I’ve caught up on rest and self-care after working 6 days per week this winter. I can now choose how to spend my ample free time. I am rich!
There are other benefits that I’m already seeing from this lifestyle. For the past few weeks, I’ve kept to limits on spending for gas and food. I’m always tempted to spend additional money from my cushion on the day before I get paid. I resist and now I notice a little lift in my self-esteem when I do that. I’m starting to trust myself and feel like I can, indeed take care of myself.
I’ve discovered one danger of the road is the knee-jerk reaction to eat mostly carbs. Pasta is cheap. So are potatoes. Don’t go there. In one week of the all-carb diet, I gained 4 pounds. Eeeeek! I’ve now taken off two of them, but it’s sure slower coming off than it was putting on. And it is totally unnecessary to gain that weight. Especially when you have one of those handy discount food stores around. I’ve got two, just over the river in New Hampshire.
It does take planning and cooking. And calculating the cost of everything. It can be fun to do that. One day I had $10 to spend on food and I was amazed with what I got – broccoli, chickpeas and a pepper to make my favorite salad, cheese, yogurts, biscuit mix. I think I got some fruit too. It’s satisfying to eat well on a small amount of money.
Looming on the horizon is the need to accumulate the $3000 I’ll need for heat next winter, but I have time. Right now it’s May and the flowers are blooming. Robins are nesting in the garage over my car. Life is good.
There are other benefits that I’m already seeing from this lifestyle. For the past few weeks, I’ve kept to limits on spending for gas and food. I’m always tempted to spend additional money from my cushion on the day before I get paid. I resist and now I notice a little lift in my self-esteem when I do that. I’m starting to trust myself and feel like I can, indeed take care of myself.
I’ve discovered one danger of the road is the knee-jerk reaction to eat mostly carbs. Pasta is cheap. So are potatoes. Don’t go there. In one week of the all-carb diet, I gained 4 pounds. Eeeeek! I’ve now taken off two of them, but it’s sure slower coming off than it was putting on. And it is totally unnecessary to gain that weight. Especially when you have one of those handy discount food stores around. I’ve got two, just over the river in New Hampshire.
It does take planning and cooking. And calculating the cost of everything. It can be fun to do that. One day I had $10 to spend on food and I was amazed with what I got – broccoli, chickpeas and a pepper to make my favorite salad, cheese, yogurts, biscuit mix. I think I got some fruit too. It’s satisfying to eat well on a small amount of money.
Looming on the horizon is the need to accumulate the $3000 I’ll need for heat next winter, but I have time. Right now it’s May and the flowers are blooming. Robins are nesting in the garage over my car. Life is good.
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