Lately, I’m struggling. I’ve been depressed. I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that I need to work more hours in my day job. This depresses me because I’ve found that I love having more time to work on my business. I’ve made great strides in working on the business, but I’m not selling more yet. I need money and I’m not getting it from the business, so I need to work more in my day job.
I suppose I set myself up for this. The idea that I would suddenly be able to increase sales in my business enough to replace paid employment, was a pipe dream. I’ve been in mourning for the loss of this dream. I’m writing about it a lot and allowing myself to feel the disappointment. I think it’s helping me to move through it, so I won’t be resentful when I start working more hours.
The truth is I’m lucky in a lot of ways. For one, I’m pretty sure I can get more work easily. I am healthy enough to work more. As soon as I bring in more income, I will have everything I need to continue living where I like to live, doing work I like. It isn’t a chore to do the work I do, except when I measure it against being able to do exactly what I want with every minute of my time.
I’m struggling to avoid feeling like a victim with this. I do need to feel the disappointment. I suppose that part of what I’m learning is to feel disappointment without feeling like a victim. That is new for me. I think that when I get through these feelings, I’ll be able to do what I need to do for myself without feeling resentful or victimized. It’s a good lesson.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Going Up
The word of the week is empowerment. I’m learning to empower myself. I’m not sure I know what that means, but it sounds like the opposite of where I’m coming from. It sounds like the opposite of what holds me back. I know the name of what holds me back. It’s called victimhood.
Now, this is not dumping on myself for coming from a place of victimhood. There are very good reasons why that’s my default posture. I had some experts training me to become a victim when I was growing up. It’s a legacy that was passed down from many quarters. I’ve made big strides away from it, but it still sneaks into my psyche when I let my guard down. I need to leave it behind.
I’ve been reading an ebook that has been very helpful with this issue in regards to my business. The title is "The Art of Earning", by Tara Gentile, subtitle "Because Making Money Should Be Beautiful." I love this book. It’s like a manual for going from victim to empowered business person. After a couple of reads, I took the momentous step of raising some of my prices.
I’ve raised my prices before. It’s scary at first and then it feels wonderful. This time, I had been trying to build up my inventory. I noticed that this was making me more and more depressed. It was taking too much effort for too little return. I didn’t think I could sell my stuff for more, but my hourly rate, if I ever sold enough, was hovering around $5 an hour for all the efforts that went into making and selling my products. That’s not enough.
I thought my prices were as high as I could ask, but then Tara said to “get out of the middle.” “ What does that mean?”, you may ask. It means stop trying to price your stuff in the middle of the pack. Oh.
To raise my prices, I need to see my work as valuable. A side effect is that it makes me want to work harder. When I value my work, I want to improve it. I want to see how good it can get. I want to deliver value for the higher prices I want to charge.
I forget about fear when I change my attitude in this way. It’s a startling contrast to my usual state of mind. I see how I’m usually cringing, feeling victimized by the impossibility of being valued for my work. It’s not impossible. I just assume it is. I need to change my fundamental assumptions so I can be successful. And happy. That’s what I really want – to be happy.
Now, this is not dumping on myself for coming from a place of victimhood. There are very good reasons why that’s my default posture. I had some experts training me to become a victim when I was growing up. It’s a legacy that was passed down from many quarters. I’ve made big strides away from it, but it still sneaks into my psyche when I let my guard down. I need to leave it behind.
I’ve been reading an ebook that has been very helpful with this issue in regards to my business. The title is "The Art of Earning", by Tara Gentile, subtitle "Because Making Money Should Be Beautiful." I love this book. It’s like a manual for going from victim to empowered business person. After a couple of reads, I took the momentous step of raising some of my prices.
I’ve raised my prices before. It’s scary at first and then it feels wonderful. This time, I had been trying to build up my inventory. I noticed that this was making me more and more depressed. It was taking too much effort for too little return. I didn’t think I could sell my stuff for more, but my hourly rate, if I ever sold enough, was hovering around $5 an hour for all the efforts that went into making and selling my products. That’s not enough.
I thought my prices were as high as I could ask, but then Tara said to “get out of the middle.” “ What does that mean?”, you may ask. It means stop trying to price your stuff in the middle of the pack. Oh.
To raise my prices, I need to see my work as valuable. A side effect is that it makes me want to work harder. When I value my work, I want to improve it. I want to see how good it can get. I want to deliver value for the higher prices I want to charge.
I forget about fear when I change my attitude in this way. It’s a startling contrast to my usual state of mind. I see how I’m usually cringing, feeling victimized by the impossibility of being valued for my work. It’s not impossible. I just assume it is. I need to change my fundamental assumptions so I can be successful. And happy. That’s what I really want – to be happy.
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