I have always liked sugar way too much. I have a specific memory of myself as a child, dreaming about when I was older and had a job so I could buy myself unlimited quantities of soda and candy. At the time, I thought that money was the only thing standing between me and all the junk food I wanted to consume. As an adult, I’ve learned about all the ways that sugar hurts my health. I’ve spent a lot of time learning about nutrition and how to take care of my body with food and I no longer eat foods with noticeable amounts of sugar in them.
My attitudes about money haven’t evolved as much as my attitudes around food. I’ve only recently given up the idea that financial comfort means I don’t have to think about the money I spend. Now I see that it was always a pretty absurd idea. I’m a researcher at heart. I love to research varying approaches to any problem I encounter in life. I read constantly. I think about everything, yet my idea of financial health was to not need to think about it. I was very wrong.
Now I find that curiosity is the most useful attitude toward money in my life. Curiousity is replacing worry in my relationship to money. As with other aspects of how I live, I want my handling of money to help me care for myself and live my life in a way that expresses my values. Money can do that. I reduce stress in my life by saving a cushion for emergencies. I can provide myself and my animals with a nice place to live. I can take care of my health. I can support my community.
This journey toward a healthy relationship with money, isn’t a short-term project. It’s part of my life. The more I pay attention to money, the better my life gets. I didn’t see that coming.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Good Work
When I started my current career as a nurse’s aide, I was working in a nursing home. I struggled because the work was hard and the workload seemed impossible. So I was surprised when one of my co-workers said, “You really like this job, don’t you?”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because you’re always singing. You’re always in a good mood.”
I hadn’t noticed, but he was right. I would sing to the residents. I would sing walking down the hall. I would dance around the cafeteria at meals while exchanging jokes with the residents. I’d found my niche - or one of them.
A few years before that it had occurred to me that I might enjoy this work. I like the simplicity of it. You just help people. A well-meaning advisor discouraged my interest in becoming a nurse’s aide. She was concerned about the low pay and low status. I think she thought I would be taking a step backwards in life. I took her advice because I was concerned about those things too.
At the time I was in a leadership position, testing computer software. I was well paid and had a lot more status than I do now. I hated it. The work was so boring to me that I’d give myself little rewards throughout the day to get through the next 15 minutes, 30 minutes, hour …. I worked with people who were just thrilled to be doing the work we were doing, but I hated it. It took a few more years and a layoff to accept that I couldn’t keep doing work I hated.
The irony is that I got terribly in debt while I had this well paying job. I was constantly spending money in an effort to make myself happy. Also, I automatically spent money to try to solve any problem that came up in my life. Sometimes it would be easier to ask a friend for help, but I automatically paid money for help with anything I needed. Since I had money, I thought I couldn’t ask for help. The misery of the debt helped distract me from the misery of the job. And then I felt trapped by the debt. I felt like I couldn’t leave and make less money.
I don’t ever want to get in that position again. I ended up defaulting on a lot of credit card debt. I’m not proud of that. That is not the kind of person I’ve ever wanted to be. I became that person by not listening to what I really needed.
So now I’m doing work I like and working 4 days per week. That gives me time to pursue other interests – the little quilting business I have, this blog, other writing. Things are falling into place. I don't have credit and I'm not going to try to get any in the foreseeable future. For the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking to make any drastic changes to my life. I like it the way it is. That’s a wonderful feeling.
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Because you’re always singing. You’re always in a good mood.”
I hadn’t noticed, but he was right. I would sing to the residents. I would sing walking down the hall. I would dance around the cafeteria at meals while exchanging jokes with the residents. I’d found my niche - or one of them.
A few years before that it had occurred to me that I might enjoy this work. I like the simplicity of it. You just help people. A well-meaning advisor discouraged my interest in becoming a nurse’s aide. She was concerned about the low pay and low status. I think she thought I would be taking a step backwards in life. I took her advice because I was concerned about those things too.
At the time I was in a leadership position, testing computer software. I was well paid and had a lot more status than I do now. I hated it. The work was so boring to me that I’d give myself little rewards throughout the day to get through the next 15 minutes, 30 minutes, hour …. I worked with people who were just thrilled to be doing the work we were doing, but I hated it. It took a few more years and a layoff to accept that I couldn’t keep doing work I hated.
The irony is that I got terribly in debt while I had this well paying job. I was constantly spending money in an effort to make myself happy. Also, I automatically spent money to try to solve any problem that came up in my life. Sometimes it would be easier to ask a friend for help, but I automatically paid money for help with anything I needed. Since I had money, I thought I couldn’t ask for help. The misery of the debt helped distract me from the misery of the job. And then I felt trapped by the debt. I felt like I couldn’t leave and make less money.
I don’t ever want to get in that position again. I ended up defaulting on a lot of credit card debt. I’m not proud of that. That is not the kind of person I’ve ever wanted to be. I became that person by not listening to what I really needed.
So now I’m doing work I like and working 4 days per week. That gives me time to pursue other interests – the little quilting business I have, this blog, other writing. Things are falling into place. I don't have credit and I'm not going to try to get any in the foreseeable future. For the first time in my adult life, I’m not looking to make any drastic changes to my life. I like it the way it is. That’s a wonderful feeling.
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